How many times have we heard it? Nice guys finish last. Chicks dig assholes. Hell, maybe you’ve even thought there was no way you could ever be good with women because you are legitimately a REALLY nice dude. And there’s no way you could ever act like that jerkwad just to get laid. I mean, it wouldn’t be anywhere close to the type of person you REALLY are inside. Shouldn’t you find a woman who likes the “real you” anyway?
Ok, ok I get it, you’re Mr. Nice guy. You’re a caring and gentle soul who is sensitive to other peoples feelings. You bend over backwards to avoid conflict of any kind because, let’s be honest, it makes you really uncomfortable. Guess what. So am I.
Listen up Pleasant Pete, today I’ve got some good news for you. You CAN be a nice guy AND be good with women. You don’t have to put on some mask, or pretend to be something you’re not, and you certainly don’t have to be a dick. In fact, I’ll contend, if you can overcome a few of the CHUMP tendencies that you have ingrained, you can be WAY better with women than guys who are assholes.
While it’s true most nice guys are CHUMPS, being a “nice guy” is NOT what is making you a CHUMP.
At the same time most jerk guys are not CHUMPS (this is why they tend to be more attractive to women), BUT the bottom line is their character is flawed. At the end of the day, that dude is still just a dick. Period.
It’s all about specific BEHAVIORS us “nice guys” tend to have ingrained in our interactions with people. Specifically women.
So for the sake of clarity, I’m going to differentiate between Mr. Nice Guy(who is good with women) and Mr. Chump(who is not). Remember, Mr. Chump’s behaviors are what’s hindering his success with women.
1. Nice Guy is Polite, CHUMP is a door mat
Being polite is GOOD. In fact, being polite is a great indicator of being well adjusted. I’m one of the most polite people I know. I ALWAYS say please and thank you. I treat people with respect by addressing them as sir or ma’am. I’m OVERLY nice to people working in customer service (even when I’m upset), and I NEVER hesitate to hand out a sincere compliment to someone in casual conversation. Oh, and I HATE confrontation. BUT, I don’t get pushed around.
First of all, I’m a BIG dude. About 6’2″ 220lbs. I work out and have BIG arms. Just my size can be intimidating to people. Enough so I find it extremely rare to be in any type of confrontation. This is also one of the reasons I am overly polite. Being big (and potentially intimidating) I find it puts people more at ease around me.
Let me be clear though, I’m not JUST talking about not getting pushed around by dudes. Women don’t stand a chance either. If a woman asks me to buy her a drink, I laugh and tell her she should buy me one. If one of my FB’s asks me to hold her purse, I laugh and say uh, no. Someone I’ve been “seeing” for a couple months asks me to “get serious,” I tell her it’s not gonna happen. FB wants me to pet her dog, no thanks, I don’t care for dog hair. You get the point. I don’t do anything I don’t legitimately WANT to do. EVEN if i’m pretty sure it will make things a little awkward. I don’t care. It’s not my problem, it’s theirs. I do what I want. And that means NOT doing things I don’t want to do either.
CHUMP uses the “being polite” excuse to make it OK to be pushed around. CHUMP is “bigger” than that. He won’t “lower himself” to the level of a bully. But it’s not just dudes who walk on him. Nope, it’s women too. He gladly compromises himself in any way she asks, just for the CHANCE to get laid. CHUMP is “there for her” anytime she needs him. He’s the guy she calls up at 2am crying cause her cat died. CHUMP is always there to be a shoulder for her. And last, but probably WORST of all, CHUMP compliments her on how beautiful she is. ALL THE DAMN TIME. Not just a little bit. He makes it plainly obvious that she is on a pedestal and he isn’t worthy of her awesomeness. This usually plants him squarely in the “friend zone.” Otherwise known as the eternal abyss of never getting laid by her.
Yes the difference between polite, and door mat can be a fine line, but Mr. Nice Guy walks it well.
2. Mr. Nice Guy is a gentleman, CHUMP just gets used
Mr. Nice Guy opens car doors, pulls out chairs, lets the lady order first, and picks up the check for the date, etc etc…I AM a gentleman, and it goes a long way towards getting what I want with women. What I do not do is take women on expensive dinner or activity dates. I don’t sit around the bar buying women drinks for the chance to talk with them. I damn sure do not buy expensive gifts, or take a chick shopping, or anything like that. I can be a gentleman and treat a woman with respect WITHOUT losing respect for myself. CHUMP is so enthralled by her being that he feels lucky she is out with him. She’s doing him a FAVOR. Mr. Nice guy is doing the woman the favor by giving her a little bit of his valuable time and attention, all the while acting in complete accordance with his core principles of gentlemanly behavior.
3. Mr. Nice Guy is a leader, CHUMP is a follower
CHUMP asks the woman what she wants, Mr. Nice Guy politely TELLS a woman what HE wants. CHUMP asks where do you want to go eat. Mr. Nice Guy TELLS the woman where they are dining tonight. Chump asks the woman if she would like to get some air. Mr. Nice guy grabs the woman’s hand and LEADS her to the patio for some fresh air. CHUMP rarely has any plan at all. Mr. Nice Guy has his shit handled. He has a PLAN for the evening (that includes giving her as many orgasms as possible) and acts decisively to bring the plan to fruition.
4. Mr Nice Guy has abundance, CHUMP is desperate
Mr. Nice Guy gets shot down by chick number 1, he is unfazed because he knows there are many possible reasons for being rejected that have nothing to do with his value as a MAN. He moves on and strikes up a conversation with chick number 2. Chump gets shot down by chick number 1, his night is over. He is distraught. What is wrong with him? Why do women seem to just want assholes? Mr. Nice guy doesn’t give much of a shit about anything because he is in demand and can get laid pretty much when he wants. Chump ONLY has THIS ONE CHANCE with THIS ONE WOMAN because SHE IS SO AWESOME.
5. Mr. Nice Guy is a glass half full guy, CHUMP can be, but usually is not
Even when chump is glass half full, it’s WAY over the top. I mean EVERYTHING is SO WONDERFUL. The sky is blue and the birds are singing, and it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day to be neighborly, would you be mine, could you be mine, PLEASE GOD PLEASE be my neighbor?
Lets be honest here though, If you’re a nice guy and you’re NOT getting the results out of life you desire, you’re probably a glass half empty dude. After all, you’re a “good person.” You “deserve” better, but shit isn’t good. Republicans/Democrats suck. The news sucks. Social media sucks. TV shows suck. Work sucks. Women suck. Guys who are good with women suck. Everything SUCKS and holy shit you’re bringing me down.
Mr. Nice Guy has a positive mental attitude. He has 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one. He probably has just as many negative things happening in his life right now as CHUMP, but you’d NEVER guess it. He doesn’t air his dirty laundry. He OWNS his problems and if he has any major ones, he’s definitely TAKING ACTION to mitigate them because he knows HE is responsible for everything in his life good or bad.
6. Mr. Nice Guy is laid back, CHUMP is nervous
Just like above, Mr. Nice guy has his shit handled. He has a plan. He is in control. He is a man of self worth and value, and as such, has no need to feel nervous. He’s a legit cool dude who really doesn’t feel the need to impress anyone.
Chump has everything on the line RIGHT NOW. It’s been a year since he’s gotten laid, or been on a date, and he has NO idea what to do. He’s DESPERATELY hoping SHE makes a move for sex, but you and I both know that probably isn’t gonna happen. And GOD FORBID if he fucks it up, there’s absolutely no telling when he might get another chance with an actual woman.
7. Mr. Nice Guy is AGGRESSIVE, Chump is Submissive
It may seem counter intuitive to think about NICE and AGGRESSIVE going hand in hand, but this is THE MAIN reason Mr. Nice guy is good with women. JUST because Mr. Nice guy likes to have sex, does NOT make him “not nice.” Mr. Nice guy doesn’t have a problem with the fact he loves sex. He doesn’t share society’s viewpoint that dudes who like sex are just dogs. He’s accepted this is part of being a MAN and it’s OK. So, while CHUMP doesn’t EVER do anything that puts ANYONE a tiny bit out of their comfort zone, Mr. Nice Guy pushes each interaction with women as far as he can. He regularly gets phone numbers and sets up dates. He’s comfortable touching a woman or even, got forbid, kissing a woman without her permission. It could be said Mr. Nice Guy is comfortable being uncomfortable. He can be a polite and charming gentleman, but still make the moves that he needs to get the job done at the end of the night.
8. Mr. Nice Guy isn’t so nice in the bedroom
When Mr. Nice Guy gets a “live one,” by being aggressive and pushing things as far as they can go, he brings it in the sack. He’s on a mission to give her as many mind blowing orgasms as humanly possible before he has to collapse in exhaustion. CHUMP, well, you know this. I mean poor dude hasn’t had sex in a year. If he gets “lucky,” its over in a matter of minutes. She’s definitely not satisfied in any way, and he’s probably never gonna see her again. Shit women SUCK.
All they want are jerks! (roll my fucking eyes)
A worthy note on juxtaposition:
For me there’s a certain juxtaposition that goes along with my “Mr. Nice Guy” persona. Like I said above, I’m big and muscular. I usually dress a little on the “edgy” side. Think toned down rock star look. I play guitar at clubs locally. I’ve learned to be very confident and outgoing. Think about it here. MOST of the people you know that could fit any one of those descriptions probably tend to be at least a little bit of a jerk, but I’m not. I’m SUPER polite and respectful. I’m OVERLY nice to people. It’s not an act either. I just REALLY am a good guy, and that contrast between my image and my attitude is VERY attractive to women. The cool thing about this if you are a “nice guy” too is, you can enjoy the same benefit of this juxtaposition just by becoming more aggressive with women, and ACTING differently.
Being “nice” and being MASCULINE are NOT mutually exclusive, and the bottom line is women are VERY attracted to that combination.
The moral of the story, like so many in life, is DON’T BE A DICK. You don’t have to. But you DAMN SURE don’t have to be a CHUMP either!
Until next time, here’s to being THE man